It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I sincerely do hope all of you are in good health physically and mentally so that you are in the right headspace to dissect my life choices.

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you “manifest”, pray and meditate, you never get what you want?

And then finally, you let go of your desperation for it and there it is lying in front of your doorstep, on your windowsill and in the bowl you drop your keys in.

Only for it to be temporary and fleeting like a messenger bird.

Though I may not know what “it” is, I certain know the feeling.

With painstaking self-awareness and very little concern for your feelings —

I can assure you, it’s because you couldn’t hold it.

#Reason 1: You’re not Ready

It is because the higher order (whether you call it God, the universe or the heavens) wanted to show you, that if you had it, you would not have been ready.

Let’s take a far too relevant example.

Recently, i gained a whole lot of new subscribers for this page and i was so grateful. It took me a long while to actually see any progress on my page and gave me relief that my work is actually being seen.

But right after that, i stopped posting. No notes, no articles, like a passerby floating through the internet again. I blamed it on my “busy” work schedules, the immense emotional workload I was dealing with and any other common excuse i could chalk it up to.

In all honesty, its due to the fact that building a community and being proactive on Substack was a lot more hard work and scarier than i thought it would be. Internally, it was sending signals to my body that i was in danger and had to stop immediately. Yet, instead of overriding my inbuilt protection system from real threats like bears and storms, I let being perceived scare me out of doing something i enjoyed.

But, there is another reason.

#Reason 2: You’re asking for the wrong thing

Whenever you manifest something, you imagine that you’ll have a clear goal or objective in mind. But, sometimes those wants are actually to cover up insecurities.

If we revisit our far too recent example,

the want for an increase in subscribers raised a few questions.

Did I want to write and express myself or did I just want to be seen?

Did I want to revisit an old passion or did i want validation?

My inconsistencies only show me that the objective shifted from visiting an old friend to stealing their wife.

Instead of asking for ways to fill an endless void, I should have asked to seal the pit.

And that’s how you truly get whatever you want.

1. Clear those subconscious blocks

2. Ask for the right things and

3. Build the capacity to hold it

I hope this very late essay can excuse my absence. Even a writer needs a few days with her thoughts.

Please write back to me when you read this, but until then—

Leave a comment

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

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Dearest Temporary Teenager,

I fear I have discovered something dangerous. I’m utterly, perfectly and incandescently content with being alone.

I’ve now entered the second week of my senior year— the final leg of the marathon named high school. And it barely affects me that i do not have a “best friend”.

Of course, I did at some point. From primary school until literally junior year, I’ve always had a person. A platonic soulmate of sorts.

Either we all grew up and gradually distanced or had a messy falling out. Regardless, I’m not the type of person to beg someone to stay in my life.

Friendship break ups are undoubtedly the hardest to get over. Your personalities mould over time into one inseparable being where individuality is indistinguishable, that is, if you truly loved them. It’s hard to acknowledge that the one person that truly knew you could cause so much hurt and loss.

In all honesty, it sometimes does feel hollowing not having someone by your side all the time. It does make one feel quite lonely. But, from what I’ve learnt, it’s never healthy to tie your wellbeing to the consistency of another.

Real best friends know when to draw the line. It is the inherent ability to be each other’s rock while establishing your own boundaries. It is the ability to differentiate between support and co-dependance.

And before i forget,

1. NEVER BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A GIRL WHO TREATS YOU LIKE A BOYFRIEND.

2. The insecure people out there who believe that love (be it romantic or platonic) comes from external sources, will suck the life out of you until they are satisfied.

3. Jealousy is genuinely a curse. People who hate to see you grow will bring you down. There literally cannot be room for jealousy in any healthy relationship.

   

But even after all this wisdom and everything I’ve learnt about myself, the empty feeling of loneliness will never leave me. And i am forced to believe that it never will. All this wisdom will never bring back the fact that there’s no one to support me wholeheartedly, no one to call in tears without feeling guilty, no one to tell when i achieve my goals and no one to gossip with in the grave.

This all-consuming, ever-lasting loneliness is all mine to keep.

No one to graduate with, no one to trade varsities, no one to pray i get into my dream university while i pray for theirs.

Though I have so many friends and am blessed with abundance, it is only now that i find value in a best friend. I’m not alone, just lonely, and it’s far too much work to completely open up to another person for years until they can remember my birthday, know my shirt size, my deepest insecurities or the fact that i dissociate when my blood sugar drops.

But, i guess that’s a journey i must take myself. I don’t regret losing my best friend, nor do I want her back but i’m grateful for all the time we had and I hope she knows that.

Truly, I am very pleased with what I have learnt about myself and treat all experiences as learning. It taught me that i truly only have myself.

“Connected to everything but never attached.”

I hope, my dear reader, that you do not pity me, for I do that enough myself. I do wish that if you are in a similar struggle, you are consoled and have learnt that support, love and belief can only come from within you.

Please write back to me when you read this, but until then—

Leave a comment

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

I regret to inform you that I am becoming sentimental. Tragedy struck me earlier today as after a long time I heard a song from one of my favorite bands — The Smiths.

The very popular song named “Back to the Old House”.

The song itself serves as a memoire of sorts, depicting the singer’s grief and mourning for a past that he will never go to back to. Regrets he can never atone for.

And as any piece of art does, it certainly got me thinking, and worst of all, got me feeling. The song is clearly targeted at the singer’s past lover whom he never confessed his feelings for. This love most definitely brought him pain and the hollowing feeling of yearning. The song’s popularity comes from its relatability of the universally painful experience of unrequited love.

Much to my dismay, I too, have a “Back to the Old House” experience. I highly doubt you could call it love, but more accurately infatuation or even admiration. Looking back at it, there were so many words unsaid and too many words not taken back.

There were bright, happy memories that would physically warm my body and embrace me with the warm light of the unattainable potential between us and the narrative created by my mind to console me.

There were many horrid and painful memories, ones that still make my heart drop and my stomach twist in sheer agony. Our whole time together was truly a pitiful sight.

“The saddest thing I’ve ever seen” - The Smiths

And as the song goes —

Of course, I couldn’t bring up my passion. One that blinded me from seeing all the suffering that sickened me till I wilted.

It took me a long time to realize that there was, in fact, nothing there. After over two months of internal turmoil on both ends, he ended our friendship, leaving me with words unspoken and ego neglected. Could I have even called it friendship?

We often feel that we owe people our love and loyalty, in an attempt to pay back their kindness. But, kindness cannot be repaid with your heart’s devotion. I felt that I needed to prove my dedication which only lead me to strangle my own spirit. So, the words were left untouched on the pages of my diary.

“I would rather not go

Back to the old house”

However, in retrospect, I would never have told him. I wouldn’t have expressed my gratitude and nostalgia for the fun memories nor would I have lashed out in my anger from the bad memories.

Because, I learnt so much about my self in the process. I recognized that that was not how I wished to be treated.

There’s a saying similar to “what’s meant for you will find you”,

its, “if you had it, you would’ve hated it.”

In all honesty, I am beyond grateful for the experience, both the good and the bad.

I have grasped exactly what fate required me to learn. The red string brought me exactly where I needed to be.

I will not go back to the old house because I don’t need to.

There’s a reason its called the old house, because I have outgrown it. There is no piece of furniture, curtain fabric or forgotten letter in a dusty mailbox that I must return to.

Is there a house you would love to go to but know there’s nothing left for you to return to?

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Please write me back and ensure you—

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

It has come to my attention that growing up is a rather poorly designed system. You are forced to abandon the things that give you life because “big kids don’t do that”.

But, what truly defines a big kid?

A teenager focusing solely on their academics?

A young adult working themselves half to death to satiate capitalism?

Or the adult who handles an entire household while being unable to retire?

None of those people are defined as big kids to me.

Maturity, handling responsibility, multitasking, working for sustenance, having kids, growing a family are all just life-skills, not characteristics of growth.

Society tends to define growth by economic markers.

First car at sixteen, move out eighteen, drink twenty one, enter the workforce twenty three, family by thirty, retire sixty.

However, we are all temporary teenagers. These markers do not define us.

Big kids are people who live life to the fullest.

Love to the fullest.

Cry to the fullest.

Smile to the fullest.

Let loose to the fullest.

Take risks to the fullest.

GROW to the fullest.

Most people stop growing at eighteen. But, big kids evolve till they return to the soil that created them. Why do we live like a tomorrow is guaranteed?

The fear of risk is only normal, it stems from the instinct of survival. However, there are so many dreams in this world that literally won’t kill us, you’re just too scared to be seen trying. Starting a business, going to the gym, going to those killer house parties that seem so daunting but you get FOMO the minute they post about it (i swear its not about me), and reaching for your dreams.

I have this mantra for when I’m hesitating to take the first step. It goes something like:

“You’ll never be sixteen and stupid ever again so might as well.”

It stops me from over-rationalizing every possible outcome because, well, aren’t I just a teenager?

If you take away anything from this letter, it’s this,

When you are young, people do not expect much from you. Use this to your advantage as best as you can to make as many mistakes humanly possible. You learn the most from the lessons you learn yourself, not the fear-mongering spread by sad adults. Remember, misery loves company, so never let it in the same room as you.

Doing stupid stuff is what has lead to the most fun, impromptu hangouts (core memories <3), a very impressive portfolio, the most friends made, the most hearts broken, the most life skills, and the most stable mental health.

There is so much life left to live, miles of memories to experience and emotions to feel. Holding yourself back is nothing but pitiful. Being free is like a muscle, the more you practice it, the stronger it gets. Trust me, I was one of those academically gifted kids growing who got joy from nothing besides an A+ and now I am the most teenage dirtbag I have ever met. Younger me would be so proud.

So, the next time you try to stop yourself from experiencing life, remind yourself:

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But remember to—

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

What if I told you I could predict your future, you current dilemmas and the solution to said dilemma just by deciphering the dream you had last night?

You probably wouldn’t believe me and consider me one of those Instagram tarot card readers who know how to target the weak and depressed.

But, temporary teenager, I am your loyal companion. So, I will give you insight on how to:

Use your dreams to predict and solve your problems.

First, you must know why we dream and why their meaning should even be taken into consideration.

In Sigmund Freud’s book on “Dream Psychology”, he states that dreams are the realization of a desire. The thoughts you have in your unconscious accumulate and present themselves through your dreams. In a way, your dreams are a bridge between your conscious (present reality) and your unconscious (hidden desires).

The whole concept of the unconscious is that is it the hidden, inaccessible storage of thoughts, feelings and desires that cannot be acknowledged by your consciousness. This includes unprocessed trauma and emotion, motivation and ambition, unthinkable desires and possibly even future events.

Your dreams are the simplest way of unlocking this part of yourself.

Let me give you a recent example from a dream that I had,

For context, there were unresolved issues between me and a frenemy(?) of mine. The issues dragged itself over four whole months with zero communication on either side. About a month ago, we both called a truce and decided to be friends again (I think). Mind you, this guy has said the most hurtful things to me and went as far as to remove me from his Instagram.

A few days ago, he follow requests me. Without much thought, (only about nine hours) I accept the request, but the real dilemma was whether or not to follow him back. The thought stagnated in my brain for days and clearly was unresolved enough to show up in my dreams.

The dream began with me hosting a house a party which I do frequently and all my closest friends were there. Frenemy shows up with no invite, knowing he was not likely to be welcome. I let him stay and mind my own business with my friends while he sulks in a corner with a few people, trying to get my attention. A mediator friend gets mad at me for ignoring someone trying to right a wrong and encourages me to make convo. I hand over a bag of chips not looking at him, only to get forced into locking eyes. I jump away and begin escorting my guests to their cars. On the way to dropping Frenemy to his car, he says “Resolution attempt failed, will try again.”

Now, the fun part, let’s dissect and decipher this:

To preface this, let me begin with the fact that the unconscious can intuitively sense things that you cannot, especially being a woman. This includes the feelings of other people, opportunities and threats coming your way etc.

‘Frenemy shows up with no invite, knowing he was not likely to be welcome.’ - Shows me that he did want to rekindle things even if it was not well received, being a person with a relatively solid moral compass for guys his age. (Metaphor)

‘ while he sulks in a corner with a few people, trying to get my attention.’ - An action he would do frequently if he didn’t want to be the one to approach me. This also serves as an identity indicator. (Memory)

‘…not looking at him, only to get forced into locking eyes. ’ - Shows my initial discomfort and aversion to being friends again, but having to be faced with his earnestness. It’s also a part of a conversation we had when we first tried to resolve our problems and I said, “Please look me in the eyes when I talk to you”, as he was avoiding the impending argument. (Metaphor+Memory)

‘I jump away’ - The approach I took initially to the issue was avoidance. (Reflection)

“Resolution attempt failed, will try again.” - Leading back to the initial intent of solving the issue. (Resolution)

This is just a really long way of saying that eventually I did follow him back. But, it is a prime example of how issues project themselves through your dreams and how they can give you an answer to your dilemmas.

Here’s how you can do this as well:

Step 1: Segregation

Freud says that your dreams are formed from two parts: The Manifest content and the Latent content.

The Manifest content is from what experience or situations in the living world the dream arose from. It is most likely from the experience the day of the dream or the evening of.

It will include memories, feelings etc.

In my case, the manifest content was the dilemma of whether or not to follow Frenemy back and memories from the past attempts of resolution.

The Latent content is the meaning of the dream itself - the realization of the desire.

Which, in this case would be to solve my malignant issues.

Step 2: Deciphering

From here on out, all of you must address your dreams as a puzzle.

To decipher a dream, you should firstly have a dream journal, so that you do not forget what you dream of.

Following that, make use of my Dream Deciphering Framework™

It includes allocating your dreams into 4 categories:

1. Metaphor: The usage of signs and symbols to hint at a certain meaning or implication in the dream. In my example, this is given as Frenemy coming into a routine of mine, uninvited and abruptly as a symbol for resolving a stagnant issue immediately.

2. Memory: The appearance of past memories and instances in the dream to invoke familiarity and address the problem trapped in your unconscious.

3. Reflection: Old patterns and past mistakes which are brought up for acknowledgement . This is your unconscious’ way of bringing up your own improper actions that you suppressed out of fear, embarrassment etc.

4. Resolution: The ultimate goal of the dream, which is the realization of hidden desires or fears.

With this Dream Deciphering Framework™, you should be able to analyze your dreams and solve your malignant dilemmas.

I would love to hear the interpretations of some of your dreams!

It’s always a fun, almost woo-woo topic.

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But, do remember that your dreams are not a substitute for actually solving a problem, only a method of clarity.

Remember to not get caught in the cloudy mist of your fantastical dream and—

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

I miss people who are still alive but belong to another version of my life. Though they are physically present and can be reached out to at any given time, they still feel intangible in my memories.

As spring approaches, we naturally shed our winter coats— the summation of the past year. Along with it, we gradually let go of things and people whose seasons have ended in our lives.

Where I’m from, this is the time of year for new beginnings and goodbyes. My favorite people in this world will be leaving to pursue their adult lives and I am forced to accept it.

Though it is exciting and I am beyond happy for their success, I am still troubled by the weight of my own aching heart. It physically feels like there are acupuncture needles stabbing my ever-beating organ, each breath causing it to swell and bleed further. The churning of my bile and the dryness of my throat draw goosebumps up every appendage. This is what I term as Nostalgia.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, Nostalgia is termed as

“a sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past.” But, there is nothing tender and wistful about it. How can the frogs in my throat be described as anything but asphyxiation.

Nostalgia is usually associated with a positive emotion and in some cases it most definitely is. I cannot deny the allure of my beautiful memories. However, that does come with an unshakable sense of dread and helplessness of not being able to go back.

Nostalgia cannot be revisited like an old song. And that’s what makes it so bitter.

This is not just an opinion. An excerpt from the National Library of Medicine from a study on the ecological validity of nostalgia explains this phenomenon pretty well:

“These studies show that nostalgia is a mixed emotion; although it may be predominantly positive when nostalgic memories are generated on request, it seems predominantly negative when nostalgia is experienced in the course of everyday life.”

Like any other mental illness, non-frequent, occasional nostalgia is described as normal and just an emotion, but malignant feelings of nostalgia that interrupts daily functioning is dangerous and should be diagnosed and treated.

It is genuinely painful. But, there’s an aspect of nostalgia that no one talks about. Its dangerous aftereffects.

As mentioned above, nostalgia generated on request is typically positive. This becomes increasingly harmful when good memories are brought up about bad people.

Nostalgia tends to trick the brain into idolizing the same people that have hurt us under the pretense of clarity through the cloudy mist of our own agony. This is why people often tend to go back to toxic exes, or backstabbing friends. It is nothing but a coping mechanism.

With all this said and done, nostalgia can have its good sides.

I hope my dear reader is not too confused by my rage filled teenage tantrum of an essay so far.

Nostalgia inspired me to even write this peace. It gives meaning to the past and adds sparkles to our memories. It means that there was something worth cherishing, you lived a life worth living. Nostalgia inspires art and music and is constantly carried with us like specks of glitter that you only notice when it accumulates.

And however painful it may be, nothing beats the warm fuzzy feelings of nostalgia

Are there any warm moments you look back to when remembering “the good old days”?

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Please write me back, but be careful wandering the unstable paths of nostalgia and ensure you —

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

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Something I have always found very chic is the use of diaries. I, myself, am a diary connoisseur of sorts, owning diaries since I could write.

Though it may have had rather humble beginnings with glittery covers and a lock, filled with my childish thoughts and emotions, it later evolved into a thicker, black leather journal used as a valve for my suppressed feelings.

I often romanticize a diary, for their black shiny covers, beige, blank lined pages written over with an inky fountain pen in perfect cursive and the hundreds of anecdotes, reflections and memories that serves as a representation of the complex human mind.

I often personify a diary as one of my best friends. An ally that stuck with me through all the little joys and scenarios overanalyzed and overdramatized by my teenage brain. It is reassuring that there is always something out there to rationalize my emotionally oppressed thought processes.

I often objectify a diary as a method of accuracy. It is a fact that each time you recall a memory your brain rewrites it, which means that by overthinking you can alter the original memory in your mind making it factually inaccurate. Therefore, maintaining a diary takes away room for ambiguity and can be used to ground yourself.

If you use a diary regularly, I am automatically going to wish to befriend you. We need more emotionally intelligent and self-aware people in the world (desperately).

Live your life to the fullest so that the pages of your diary may overflow with cherished memories and lessons.

But remember to—

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

I have noticed something peculiar about the way we love. We clutch, with such desperation, onto the empty words and fallacies of individuals that serve us no innate meaning.

Which all just serve as an instrument for subduing our irrationals. The phantoms of fear and insecurity whispering in our ears.

I have, in my capacity, cultivated acquaintances with these apparitions. If you buy their loyalty, they serve as the best ministers in the court of your mind. They deliver the highest quality of intuition and food for thought.

There is something so freeing in not being shackled to the expectations of other people and only of your own. Not being dependent on anything besides your own free will.

The majority get attached to friends, lovers, potential lovers, the ambitious folk and the false promising folk, but never themselves. It leads one to wonder if they are being pulled in by the vanity of the illusion or manually affixing the crimson cord.

Ah yes, who hasn’t fallen for the allure of the crimson cord? A subtle heavenly promise that things and people belong to you and are indebted to you. Because aren’t they obligated to? Why must we concern ourselves with betterment and self-realization of our faults if there are entities that are forced to love us as we are.

And if they didn’t, are we… unlovable?

Every individual you are destined to meet only reflects your own imperfections. What the mind must work on. What the heart must discover. It is a call back to yourself.

Oh, what divine betrayal! The realization that nothing owes us love and that we owe nothing love. Your time and energy are to be protected. Heed this as a warning, nothing is worth bartering your vitality. But do not tend to selfishness while running from self-sacrifice. There are more proper ways of cutting the cord.

And after all the heartbreak and realization, you shall only revert back to your essence and you will find that your mind is a wonderful place. A sanctuary, a library, a monastery all in one.

Returning to yourself is the greatest gift the heavens could ever give you.

Once all the draining cords have been cut and you are back in the comfort of your mind, you must walk in with confidence as the apparitions confront you in court.

One deems you to be unworthy of love,

The other, deprived of beauty,

And the last accuses you of lacking purpose.

As you sit down on your throne, exercise your patience and compassion so that each insecurity may be a loyal minister in your royal assembly.

But do be warned, not all cords are to be cut. Some carry your ambition and some provide you companionship. Confer with the ministers in court and use your discernment to —

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

Some realizations arrive politely. Others kick the door open at 2:14 in the morning. When the dark night howls and the owl coos, you are left with yourself, your thoughts and the slumber hanging from your lashes. It dawns on you that you cannot think of a single thing that you like about yourself.

Not your smile that people say looks beautiful,

Not your intelligence that people look up to,

And not even the untouchable ambition you possess to be the best.

The qualities that are objectively attractive, objectively praise-worthy and even blatantly intimidating to people, just do not satiate your need for more, for perfection — your ideal self. Well, I hate to be bearer of bad news, but your endless list of surface-level achievements and accolades will never fill the void you dug yourself.

The truth of the matter is that you have cultivated a performance. An act to tame the mind and reform when reformation finds it. An endless cycle with the self that is true and the self that is made. Not to reinvent the wheel, but the only true cure to this ailment is finding yourself. Personally, I despised it when people would tell me to “find myself” because they gave me an order with no instruction.

Like throwing someone into water and praying they’ll swim.

Over the years of teenager horrors and hormones, I have collected a few pieces of advice that stem from years of tossing and turning in robes that were not mine to wear, names that were not mine to respond to.

If I may, here is a brain dump of all my enlightenment:

1. If you do not like who you are, simply decide to be someone else. You have every right to wake up and decide that you do not wish to continue as the shell of yourself. However, do not become someone unsustainable because that yields yet another performance. Become and start behaving like your ideal self, ergo your most aligned self.

2. If there are aspects of people you like, feel free to take them. I did this to my ex (horrible person by the way) as he was always a very go-getter type of person. I, too, wanted to have everything I have set my eyes on. And though I left the man, I took his ambition and shaped it to my liking.

3. Jealousy does not exist. It is a mindset. Merely appreciation turned sour. Use it as proof that you too will have what you want, but in a way that serves you best.

4. Real winners never find anything hard, because “hard” to them is not an obstacle but ingratitude. If you decide that something isn’t hard, just new, you learn to shake off any and all fear. How dare you define something as hard when you are comfortably reading this essay with time as your minion.

5. Fun people attract fun. Genuinely pick up a hobby you once dropped, watch a show you once loved. Learning to not hate yourself is in its core a journey back to you.

6. Never take anything seriously, because if you take everything seriously you’ll always get hurt.

7. Try everything at least once. What’s there for you to lose? Your already shattered dignity?

8. Do it alone. Do it spontaneously. The most amount of learning comes from the unexpected and unknown.

9. Throw yourself head first into dangers way. I read somewhere that there is a part of your brain that grows each time you do the hard thing and the more it grows the stronger the self becomes. Do be cautioned not to actually harm your body in anyway, which brings me to my next point-

10. Polish your vessel. View your body like armor. Ensure no dust piles up in the crevices and that it is made up of the right metals. Make sure the joints are well oiled and put to use and before you know it, it will reflect the new you right into your very own eyes.

11. Let go of the glass shards. The sharp remains of a broken vase will only hurt your hand. You do not hold the shards to commemorate the vase but to relish in the pain, the only lingering, tangible emotion you have left of it.

And once you are done with all of these and have taken the journey to “find yourself”, you will realize that you have just become the same little person you were at five years old, looking back at the big world with stars glistening in your eyes. But before you get there (and believe me, it will take a while), let me give you magic brooch gifted to me by those who wish to see you succeed — hope.

Temporary teenager, do not be swayed by the storms in your mind and until you find yourself,

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

It has come to my attention that the relentless hand of Time has gotten the better of you. Some of you here may physically be untouched by the cruelties of the real world yet chose to behave unlike the juvenile you are, whereas others have simply let a number on a cake decide that you are no longer young and vigorous.

In truth, I speak only of my own part, to believe that every mortal man and woman is perpetually a temporary teenager, forever in the cycle of their own joy and sadness, success and failure, duty and obligation.

If you consider the matter with a sincere heart,

not the one troubled by the tribulations of the waking day of labor,

not the one gambling its worth on comparison,

and not even the one beating 120 times a minute.

I am talking about the sincere heart — synonymous with your passions, smile and soul.

The “inner child” we all believe we have, regardless of whether or not we are actually children. The heart that contains your deepest desires and unspeakable needs, or in the words of Sigmund Freud, your unconscious.

Now, with your sincere heart awakened we return once more to the thought at hand.

In mathematical terms,

Age = Responsibility

Ownership = Possession

Hence, the soul truly reveals itself when such conditions are met.

However, it would be factually inaccurate to say that the body has no responsibility and therefore, these responsibilities cannot be forgone on pure resolve. But the true resolution, is found in the gift of wit.

The solution is as simple AS NOT TAKING EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY.

You only give things importance based on their perceived value. A job is important because without it you would be penniless. Success is important because without it you would face social rejection. Maintaining a family and offspring are important because without it what is a woman?

Verily, I must not deny the words of whomever created society and those who struggle from it, and I do admit that the responsibilities and possessions bestowed onto you do have a certain significance in your mortal existence, but I do believe with my sincere heart, that you can chose not to let it affect you.

The youthful music teacher has her work and home to take care of, yet behaves like a teenager. Not in maturity but in enjoyment.

The aged monk meditating on a mountain adheres to his devotion, temple and students, yet behaves like a teenager. Not in impulsivity, but in light-heartedness.

Though your teenage years seem to be fleeting or have already seemed to have left you, you will forever be a temporary teenager if you chose. Growing, maturing, happening.

So let the dams of your troubled heart be open in increments to reveal your temporary teenager.

But we warned to—

Guide your hearts accordingly,

Duchess of the Sunflower Seeds

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